Imitation Superheroes and Crocs

Saturday on Memorial Day weekend is a busy time.  People become bumper cars in garden centers and hardware stores.   I appreciate holidays where stores are open and I can avoid the obvious holiday gaps.

Since working my ass off all week as a “landscaper’s assistant” (no license required – yet), it was time to pick off the tics and get to my own garden.  I planned a free-floating time after blogging about homophobia on Pastor Will Green’s site and the obligatory hoof to Lowe’s for those yearly throwaway porch shades.  But wait! I still needed Crocs, and there was a CVS.

In and out in 5 minutes.  Slinging my purse over my shoulder, I gracefully negotiated the throwaway bag (you can’t even get free wastebasket bags anymore!) holding my Croc imitations, and my little, I stress, little, wallet, all the while talking to a fellow rockhead manager from CVS. 

“Ooo,” she said, her CVS name badge spinning, “I love to varnish my rocks.”

Out of the sky came two superheroes on baby bikes with testicles the size of channel buoys.  I will call them Puke Boys, from crapass Weymouth, too young for pimples.  Purse – G O N E.

I raced like I used to in the 50 yard dash, but to no avail.  I was wearing flip-flops, plus I am old.  The manager called the police.  Being midday, several people saw the creatures.  The cops found my purse in the dumpster, missing several items.

Torri’s iPod.  My point and shoot. My prescription sunglasses.  No more music for me!!  But I have my imitation Crocs and wallet.  And I don’t live in Dorchester anymore where the real superheroes are.



Comments

[Chris]

Son of a bitches. Didn't I overhear you the other day tell someone that you are going to be "lucky" some day? Well, it's about God damn time for that. I'm going to have the vision for you. What do you want (besides the obvious because I'm sorry I can't help)? Post it here, post it in your home, and keep envisioning it...it will come if you believe in "The Secret" like I do.

and p.s. keep writing, even your hard luck story is entertaining to read.

[Sue]

Shitheads plain and simple. I am sorry Lucy.

[Susan]

Another chapter for the book:-)

[Cheryl]

No, I am sorry - one word: F U C K E R S !

[Joanne]

f%#@, wish i had been there! damn!!! once these kids tried to mess w/my Grandmother.. took care of them. so sorry Luc.. this makes me so mad!

crocs.. crocs are great! i have a navy Patriots pair, they were the 'deal of the week' at crocs.com.. ten bucks!

[Peter]

I was about 20 and my bike was stolen from my front yard when I lived in Arlington on Mass Ave in the late 60s. The Globe talked about the bad element spreading from Boston to the surrounding towns. I was so pissed about my bike that I planned my get back. About 2 months after the theft I got a new 10 speed and road it to Harvard Square on a busy Saturday. I leaned the bike with no lock up against a wall next to the newspaper stand and walked across the street, blended in and waited. I was going to break the bones on the MF that tried to steal my bike.

I waited for over an hour and no one even touched my bike. I road back home and understood that just a very small number of jerks can ruin things if you let them.
The vast majority of people were very honest. Over a 1000 people must have passed by my bike.

[JC]

Forgive them for they know not what they do....

[JB]

perhaps they could not comprehend the meaning, the emotional value to some of the items contained within that purse.. most likely did not even think in that direction to try.. they knew though that they were taking from someone and they knew what they hoped to get from it... forgive? idk.. hope, yeah.. hope they change their ways.

[LW]

I like your story Peter. That is something I would do! And no, of course they had no clue about the value. Likely they sold both for ten bucks and had some fun with my prescription sunglasses! The iPod was really old, so was the point and shoot... Feh! As they say.

[LW]

Oh and Chris - I am going to make a shoebox scene just like you did!

[Chris]

Good idea, and do you need any pics of me...you know for our really successful business venture???

[Joanne]

if the venture is in the tees i want in! you'll need a second great designer w/ all the software!!

[Chris]

K, let's talk!

[Joanne]

sounds great! see you tomorrow night...

[Lucy Wightman]

yes Chris - good thought! see my next post : )