Herbamare Rules

I started to write this as a comment and a) I could not see the text very well in the darn comment box, and b) it became sort of too important to leave as a comment.  I am glad I can form sentences again, on certain days.  Please tell me if I do not make sense.

FYI Susan - OMG Herbamare is simply the best seasoning EVER!!!  LU knows the truth about Herbamare and ew remember when we would put Brewer’s Yeast on popcorn?? It lasts for years.  I think I had this supply (the size of three film canisters stacked) since the time Torri was 9 years old.  You could put the stuff on cardboard and eat it!  And in my sitch, that comes in quite handy. 

Joanne, I don’t know what you mean by disfigured shell etc because you know you are a babe! 

As for still being a mother, well, no, I have to disagree.  I was a mother.  The child being gone means the mother is no longer a mother in her active role.  Of course I am Winkleman’s ‘mother,’ but more a packmate, and my insane attachment to him is my role of mother manifesting.

Starting to see there are other things I still am, and new things, must occur.  Being Torri’s Mom was the noblest, richest, deepest thing ever.  Nothing will ever come close to this.  I believe that mothers like me do not get better, do not move forward, and do not do anything other than adapt to the pain.  The baseline of being “great” sinks and this is what must be embraced.  I also believe that when we say, “yeah, I am better,” it does not mean what it says.

Unlike other losses that are common to almost all of us, where we slowly float and then swim, and refind the memories, this loss we drown and die.  I must go from there rather than the place most of us share when we lose a spouse, a friend, a mother, sister, brother or father, or pet….beloved pet…  It should not even be called grief because it is not grief. 

Those of you who dare to be touched by your own empathy know enough of this monster, and after that, we can all reconvene to our common ground of losses and meaning.  Empathy is what makes you so good, such good friends who insist I find what is left, who sometimes get anxious by my descriptions of life’s random awfulness, and perhaps what make mothers say, “yeah, I am better.”  Empathy is what made me a good psychologist without a license.

Thankfully I ignored the “When is enough, enough?” question, after much deliberation, because it is not about quantity here.  It is about being allowed the freedom to go with it, whatever it is.  Don’t you find that to be true?  Judgmental critique based on a lack of center is a poor compass.  Another quality of a good friend!

Peter I agree.  It sounds like you read the Seth books.  I once ascribed to this fully, then railed against my stupidity after Torri was killed.  Now I am humbled by the enormous gaps in my understanding and accept that I just do not know.  Some say events are by ‘contract.’  Meanwhile those manifestations I can author I continue to try.  I know I know things, and that I have forgotten things.  I have had maybe two auditory psychotic moments in my life (without the aid of LSD) and one involved being told that I would remember.

I forgot to add that I am a Fixer of Spectacles! note the Clear As Nails..



Comments

[Christos]

How does one(me) not fall in love with her, over and over again.

[Peter]

I never read Seth's books. I will check them out however. Thanks.
I remember you commented on Anne Rice's book and were disapointed.
The Art of Racing In The Rain will not disappoint because it uses dead nuts logic to deal with tragedy.
And it's also about a nice dog and you love your dog.
In racing if you look at the wall, you will hit the wall.

[Susan]

Your statement was: I am no longer a mother.
I noted that you are and will always be Torri's mother.
The act of mothering is different from the fact of being someone's mother.
The one essential of your being that no one can ever, ever take away from you is that you are Torri's mother.
That's all, but that is also everything.

[peter]

Seth? Need more information.

[Joanne]

have you been smoking you herbamare?? lmao! ly potato... ♥

[Lucy Wightman]

Oh Christos, really I am a pain in anyone's ass but falling in love at a distance I get. And Peter, it is amazing that today Anne Rice denounced Christianity!!! HA!! Love the racing analogy. Susan, we will have to agree to disagree. I was a mother. I did have one child to whom I mothered. I was on active duty if you will. Should I try smoking Herbamare? Good grief!

[christos]

when i read a seth book (25 yrs ago), I was open, and what I read rang true. Today...it's knowledge

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