lucy wightman

No matter what, we are thrown, and there we land.  That’s just it.  Hopeful for some ‘other side’ where the experience can be reported on, once survived.  Ah yes, we love our survivors, which is why I am rallying for Vienna on The Bachelor.  She has been scapegoated!  Ostracized!  Group dynamics 101 - every working group has its scapegoat.  I was SO relieved when she got a rose. Then I remembered something I wrote about ostracism a long time ago related to my doctoral studies…

Social exclusion comes with ubiquitous effects no matter the magnitude.  As a gregarious species, much of our development is dependent on cooperation and interaction with others who share the environment.   The success of our evolution has occurred in part because of the relational skills that help us find where and how to belong.   Once a member of a group we benefit from all the levels of protection. It is reasonable then to expect detrimental effects without this belonging or identification with the “belonged.” 

Up until about twelve years ago, social psychology considered the phenomena of exclusion as something to be avoided rather than a process to also be explored (Williams, 2005).  The last decade has produced research identifying characteristics of what makes an individual more susceptible to exclusion than others, has delineated four areas of fundamental human needs damaged by rejection (belonging, control, self esteem and meaningful existence), illuminated brain processes involved and suggested possible ways to undo the damage done.

The immediate response to being shunned is a heightened physiological arousal, similar to anxiety, while the ostracized attempts to regain safety and control (Panksepp, 2003).  If their behavior cannot appease the group at large the person will often seek out another group to belong to.   Cultural implications follow in that those on the outside tend to form their own groups on the fringe where anti-social behaviors thrive.

Pain overlap theory (Eisenberger, Lieberman & Williams, 2003) proposes that the pain of ostracism and the physical pain of injury have the same underlying neurological systems.  Biological brain functions show the anterior cingulated cortex becomes highly stimulated when someone is ostracized.  This is the structure of the brain thought to detect pain and activates when one is excluded in any situation, even by enemies. 

Researchers developed a computer game of toss to elicit feeling left out called “Cyberball,” where the effects of ostracism can be dynamically observed in brain scans.   The anterior cingulate cortex activates once rejected, the same part of the brain thought to involve physical pain.  This helps explain why emotional rejection produces physiological pain.  Then once someone is excluded from getting the ball for long enough, the person eventually gives up and disengages to avoid further pain, and the activated brain areas deactivate. 

It is the prefrontal cortex that counteracts the painful feelings of being shunned (Panksepp, 2003).  Since survival depends on fitting in, our brains have powerful alarms alerting when something is wrong.  Williams (2005) and his researchers also found a protective, safety mechanism in the brains of those rejected in the right ventral prefrontal cortex.  A high level of activity here actually decreases the pain of rejection, allowing logic and reason to help prioritize the importance of the group lost, and also to mobilize towards rejoining.  What is needed for this process to occur is dialogue with a friend or trusted individual.  In the past, one could float to alternate relationships within communities, or even different communities once shunned.  Now that option is not always there in light of a changed culture where there are fewer family and peer connections and less time. 

Being cast in the role of “scapegoat” involves many intricate variables and can be a painful repetition.   If someone is repeatedly exposed to ostracism this becomes accepted or internalized that their needs are simply lost leading to feeling alienated, despondent and helpless.  Once denial of the exclusion wears off and the reality is felt, perception and response to the social environment changes.  Williams (2005) points out how attention to and the interpretation of information in this state serves to perpetuate cycles of exclusion. 

Ironically children’s play themes are often structured around exclusion as a game, like musical chairs, tag and monkey in the middle.  It is possible that as adults, we too find exclusion amusing given a perusal of the reality television shows whose audience depends on the anticipation of exclusion.  In a conversation with Kip Williams he likened interest in ostracism to riding a roller coaster where one finds a safe way to feel the sensation of falling. 

Human beings are not the only species who exhibit the phenomena of rejection. Animal groups are made stronger by ostracism when the weaker members are excluded.  In the animal kingdom, when a member of the group is not functioning properly it impairs the group at large.  That animal is then cut off, ignored and not attended to in any way.  The pack does not look back and acts as if the outsider is invisible.   Often the fringe animal gets its act together and comes back to the group, or dies.

My standing in once familiar communities of friends, family, colleagues and strangers has disappeared.   I have been ostracized and wear what is hopefully a fading scarlet letter.   There is no guarantee the damage of ostracism can be undone.  Ideally the process involves the community within which the dynamic occurred, a circumstance that rarely presents itself.  

Eisenberger, N.I, Lieberman, M.D., Williams, K.D (2003).  Does Rejection Hurt? An fMRI study of Social Exclusion. Science 302, 290

Panksepp, J. (2003).  Feeling the Pain of Social Loss.  Science 302, 237.

Williams, K. D. (2001). Ostracism: The power of silence.  New York, NY: Guilford Publications

Williams, K. D.,  Forgas, J. P., & von Hippel, W. (Eds.) (2005). The social outcast: Ostracism, social exclusion, rejection, and bullying. New York: The Psychology Press.