Lucy Wightman Questions - Comments

Chris comments on How Do You Know When You Know Someone?

Chris — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 12:54:29 +0000

Hmmm, good question and good responses. I can relate to many...

I thought I knew myself, hell I've know me for 48 years! That changed in 2006 when I struggled with some painful experiences. For about a year and half following I had what I describe as "an out of body experience". I went through the motions of everyday life, but I wasn't me. Or was I just not the old me, the me that everybody thought they knew? Unlike un2ly1 I am not a private person, but no one really knows me; not even me (right Alice?). I am who I am (Popeye!)

I thought I knew my ex-husband, hell I'd been with him for 25 years before our divorce. I still think I know him better than he knows himself (on some levels), but there were surprises in the end that blew me away. So I guess I only knew what he wanted me to know and/or I ignored/denied some of the other stuff.

Like Al, I think I know my 16 year-old child, particularly because she's a lot like me so it's familiar to me. As she matures and experiences more of life I will know less. I can only hope that she will "trust" me to know what she wants me to know and that our relationship will stay as strong as it is today. Shirley talks about trust. At this time in my life, I have three friends that I would trust with my life ... and my secrets, if I had any!

There is only one other person in this world that knows "more about me" than anyone else. Does that mean she "knows" me? I think so, as much as one person could know another because I trust her, and I think she knows she can trust me too.

...don't give up, here I am
and if you need a helping hand,
I'm gonna be right here with you.
I can feel a "knowing" here between us...

Alice comments on How Do You Know When You Know Someone?

Alice — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 15:35:58 +0000

Good question..hell I don't even think I know myself. I can spend 20 years thinking I know someone and the next day that do something that surprises the heck out of me. I think I just want to feel like I know someone well to give me a sense of security that I need so terribly. It is sad really that it matters so much to me. I want to be an old lady that shrugs her shoulders and says"who gives a shit" and than move on....Even my own family members have mystified me. So the answer is that you never know when you know someone (you just think you do).

Al comments on How Do You Know When You Know Someone?

Al — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 12:51:05 +0000

Empathy is an observable phenomenon. We know that someone pointing to a kibble hidden beneath a cup is asking us to attend to the same thing as them, even if the pointee is a dog. Humans and dogs just know this. It's true that monkeys just don't get it.... Socialization along with opposable thumbs propelled homo sapiens up the food chain. Or something like that.

More broadly, information that is preserved between systems amounts to knowledge between systems. To the extent that system A agrees with system B and to the extent that system A can accurately predict outcomes in system B, system A is said to have knowledge of system B.

On a more human level, I can look into my child's face and know that his tears mean something and that there is something I can do that will make things better, beyond doubt. I know my child and I know that I know him and in the action of affirming this he knows that I know him. Preservation of shared data points that agree in key areas is how we know that we know someone.

$.02

Shirley comments on How Do You Know When You Know Someone?

Shirley — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 10:48:06 +0000

Does knowing someone mean that you see through them? Count the hairs......moles.......know every little thing? If that's the case, I don't know anyone. Nobody really knows me either......I've never sat down and had my freckles counted. Define "knowing". Personally, the people I "know" can draw the line on certain things......things I could use NOT to "know". These things can include a very wide range of subjects.........I'll hit on a few.

1. How last night's meal won't flush down the toilet.
2. Describing what it looked like.
3. Blow by blow descriptions of last night's sexual exploits (T.M.I.......unless you're into knowing that)
4. Reasons for their having bad breath.
5. How they have excessive body hair, and where.

I think I've made my point. Certain things are better when we don't "know" about them. But, I do think I could know someone.......without knowing everything. But only if they want me to. We can't be "known" by anyone if we put up walls.

green ticket comments on How Do You Know When You Know Someone?

green ticket — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 04:28:37 +0000

You are knowing and convincing the you.
You can never know what I know, hear what I hear, see what I see. You can never know, not for certain.
You can wonder, guess, hope.
Obviously.
Trust your gut . . . slowly.

sin and syntax comments on How Do You Know When You Know Someone?

sin and syntax — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 00:28:19 +0000

Monkeys can't teach each other shit. It's true. PBS said so. I thinks we know that we knows the peeps inna lives when we can teach and be taught by them. Capiche?.

Shirley comments on How Do You Know When You Know Someone?

Shirley — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 15:48:51 +0000

Personally, I think that really getting to know someone requires time. The decision to invest the time is generated by some sort of mutal commonality (is that a word?). Both have to want it, and of course, there has to be trust. I don't think that we're inclined to open up with people we don't truly trust. As far as Knowing When We Know Someone? Maybe this is simplistic, but, I think when we begin to know how that person would feel or respond....when we can recognize what they are feeling without a word being spoken. When they can do the same with us.

un2ly1 comments on How Do You Know When You Know Someone?

un2ly1 — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:06:18 +0000

Hmmmm this is thought provoking. I guess we only know someone as well as that person allows us to know them. I guess for me I am a very tightly closed book. There are very few people who have been able to open my book. Some I let only read the first chapter and others I let read a little more. Some people think they have me all figured out and know everything about me, but in reality they only know what I let them know. There are probably 2 people in this world that really know me. All the rest I keep at a distance.

I don’t know if we ever really know someone. People are always changing and things they once liked or enjoyed no longer bring them satisfaction. We are very complex creatures so I guess if someone in your life is bringing you some sort of fulfillment I say keep on guessing about ones inner life, because if we read the book from cover to cover life would be boring….Keep it interesting and remember to laugh

just me comments on What is the Purpose of Worry?

just me — Sun, 17 Aug 2008 03:46:49 +0000

It is OK to just let go of things and turn them over to a higher power. Each time you start to worry ask yourself can I change this or control this? If the answer is no it is best to let go. Pretend you have a backpack on that is full of rocks. Label your rocks with each worry you have that you have no control over. Shut your eyes and visualize yourself throwing each rock out one by one. Take a breath and let go....

un2ly1 comments on What is the Purpose of Worry?

un2ly1 — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 14:51:33 +0000

“Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?” What else can be done with anxiety, fear and worry besides asking it to go away?

I know for me the purpose of worry is nothing more than a living hell for me, or a “real pain in the ass” as stated above by al (good to see you posting again btw) The fear and anxiety has taken complete control over my life. I doubt at all that it will add a single moment to my life. It does not matter how much I worry or try to protect and keep my loved ones safe life is unpredictable. I spend so much time worrying that my quality of life is one of almost non existence. Don’t get me wrong I have my family who love me and try their best to understand my struggles. I try to keep everything to myself as I have already caused enough damage to my loved ones.

I do have moments of pure exhilaration when I look my fears straight in the eye and tell them to Fuck off. In those moments I feel alive again. Then in almost an instant it is taken away from me, because I soon realize that what I had just accomplished is so small and menial, that the average person is able to do the same exact thing without even thinking twice about it.

I would really like to enjoy my life and be the person I was before, but as I have been reminded this is me and most likely how I will be for the rest of my life. That would be alright and I could accept that if I was 95 and have already lived my life, but I’m not even close. I’m so tired of living this way, but I really don’t have any other choice. So if anybody has any thoughts or ideas on what to do with anxiety I would love to hear them.

Why am I writing this all down on LW’s blog? I have no idea. I am someone who is very quiet and this is a bit out of character for me. I guess maybe if someone out there is feeling at all like me it will help them feel less alone. One day I hope to conquer all of this and do something great will all my experience with this hell I live with every day. Until then I will continue to try and improve on my quality of life…. Peace to all who read